Hold the presses!!!!!
WASHINGTON—Justifying the expenditure as necessary to preserve the only bastion of democracy in the Middle East, both houses of Congress voted unanimously Thursday to extend $3 billion in emergency military aid to Benjamin Netanyahu to defend himself against the Israeli justice system. “Today, we act decisively in support of our closest foreign ally in his fight against the threatening and potentially violent cabal of the Israeli legal system,” said Senate Appropriations Committee chairman Richard Shelby (R-AL) of the bill, which provides monetary and physical assistance to the prime minister against a recent unprovoked volley of corruption charges. “With this aid, the United States will be sending a fleet of F35s that will help stamp out current attacks and bolster the security of Netanyahu for years to come. Just like any political leader, the prime minister deserves a right to exist in peace, free from fear of laws. It is incumbent on us as Americans to extend protection to the most vulnerable among us, and for the world to recognize that an attack on Netanyahu is an attack on all of us.” At press, U.S. military forces in the area had been instructed to keep an eye on potential hotbeds of resistance for anti-Netanyahu forces such as courtrooms, law firms, and public records offices.