«13

Replies

  • Scott ButnerScott Butner Senior Member Posts: 3,918 Senior Member
    on a full stomach?
  • Shawn C.Shawn C. Senior Member Posts: 7,027 Senior Member
    Not with a hangover. Give me a few hours.


    Sent from my ObamaPhone using Tapatalk
  • ricinusricinus Senior Member Posts: 6,214 Senior Member
    Can we go a day before it gets locked??

    Mike
    My new goal in life is to become an Alter Kaker...
  • jbillyjbilly Senior Member Posts: 5,334 Senior Member
    No sense in pulling any punches....

    Just how big of a **** is your mom? Use the Lindsey to Miley scale if needed.

    We have heard a lot of Mama D, but nothing I recall of Daddy D. Have you considered going on Jerry Springer to have any of the 100s of candidates DNA tested?
  • FishTXFishTX Super Moderator Posts: 8,077 Senior Member
    Holding you to your word.

    1. What is your best and worst pickup lines?

    2. If you were still dating, where would you got to meet women?

    3. What are the three best first date activities?

    4. Do you let a date know right off the bat that you are deviant?

    5. What do you wear on first dates that get their motors warming up?

    6. Is Patrick Maitland (Coupling, UK series) your hero, and do you have a closet of videos from your "dates?"
    "We have to find someone who can not only fly this plane, but who didn't have fish for dinner."

    Crooow:This music would work better with women in bikinis shaking all over the place. I guess that's true of any music really.
  • jbillyjbilly Senior Member Posts: 5,334 Senior Member
    If your mom was on the menu at McDonalds would she be

    A) A Big Mac...covered in special sauce
    B) A chicken nugget....full of multiple kinds of mystery meats
    C) Part of the Dollar Menu
  • FishTXFishTX Super Moderator Posts: 8,077 Senior Member
    What is the obsession with the McRib all about?
    "We have to find someone who can not only fly this plane, but who didn't have fish for dinner."

    Crooow:This music would work better with women in bikinis shaking all over the place. I guess that's true of any music really.
  • George KGeorge K Super Moderator Posts: 10,048 Senior Member
    Why the love of large silicone inserts?
    Keep your stinkin' government hands off my Medicare.
  • Anyone think BD is going to weigh in?

    He is toying with our emotions right now.
  • Brian D.Brian D. Senior Member Posts: 4,011 Senior Member
    Yay!!! It's finally MY TURN!!!
    jbilly wrote: »
    No sense in pulling any punches....

    Just how big of a **** is your mom? Use the Lindsey to Miley scale if needed.

    Really? We're starting with questions about my mom? I have all this wonderful knowledge to impart to the world, and we all stampede towards the most obvious question right off the bat? You bunch of effing philistines.

    Okay, okay, we'll just get this one out of the way, shall we? Right now, thankfully, she's settled down a lot as she's gotten older. But she and my dad split in a pretty nasty breakup when I was in college, there was a time after that when she went a little hog wild - over compensation after 20 years or something, I guess. I was playing in redneck bar bands at the time, and it was always a moment of supreme discomfort when she showed up to watch the band - when I wasn't away at school, I was living at home back then, and there's nothing quite so traumatic for a college-aged boy as packing up one's gear and coming home to find the bartender's car in the driveway.

    So, in sum, peak **** Level, Miley Cyrus at VMAs. Current Level, Lindsay Lohan circa Freaky Friday. Also, she'll be 70 next year. So there's that.
    We have heard a lot of Mama D, but nothing I recall of Daddy D. Have you considered going on Jerry Springer to have any of the 100s of candidates DNA tested?

    I don't want to tie all those DNA labs up with such an inquiry when they have more important jobs to do like screwing up the OJ Simpson trial.
  • Brian D.Brian D. Senior Member Posts: 4,011 Senior Member
    FishTX wrote: »
    Holding you to your word.

    1. What is your best and worst pickup lines?

    Best and worst are the same line. When I was doing the improv gig in Knoxville during law school, I did this thing for laughs after our shows where the regular "post show gaggle" would be standing next to a doorway (usually after a few post-show beers), and every single time an unattached woman walked past us, I'd tell her, "YOU are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen!" It was a high-numbers, low-yield method. Most would roll their eyes, maybe (hopefully) laugh a bit, and keep walking. A few would react with hostility, because some people just go through life with a chip on their shoulder. But a few would smile, stop walking, and start talking - and let me tell you, when they bite on that line, they are good to go. I think it helped that I was part of the improv group. I've done it once or twice with positive returns by the end of the night when playing in bar bands too. I guess some women have the groupie gene. I've never tried it when I wasn't performing, and since I'm married I probably never will get to, but it would be an interesting experiment.

    Other than that, I'm actually terrible with pickup lines. I really, really hate hanging out in bars and clubs, actually. My single greatest weakness is initiating a conversation with a stranger that will go somewhere productive. I'm awful at it, and generally I'm too shy and afraid I'll come off as creepy. That's why, if you're single and intend to meet women at clubs, it's important to find a good wingman who has the talent for starting things off with a group of strangers so you can pick up from there. These guys are rare, but if you find one, they are worth their weight in gold.
    2. If you were still dating, where would you got to meet women?

    Oh, the Internet, without a doubt. As I said, I hate hanging out in clubs and I don't have a knack for meeting women unless I'm (a) in the band or (b) I have a wingman to get things started - and usually I don't. The Internet is easy because all that "meet a stranger" stuff is done via keyboard where social awkwardness isn't really a thing. I don't know why anybody would pay for Match.com and the like when there is Craigslist, local forums, Facebook, etc. The downside is you have to beware of scammers and users, who will vastly outnumber the "good" ones. Just keep looking. Avoid anyone who wants anything - if they need money or hint that you should send them a gift before you've met in person, forget it. Is IRC still a thing? I'm sure it's probably not still a thing. But just before I met my wife it was a thing, and it was great for meeting women. I'm not sure what today's version of IRC is, but by god, if I were single today and didn't want to be, it'd be the first thing I looked for.

    If there were no Internet, I guess I'd probably be flirting with a whole lot of women in drive-thru windows at fast food joints and places like Starbucks.
    3. What are the three best first date activities?

    It doesn't matter, as long as you get the chance to interact and talk. The cliche is a movie or a going dancing at a club (okay, obviously I was in my twenties when I quit dating and got hitched). But movies suck because you spend your whole evening paying attention to something other than your date, and clubs are too loud for you to talk - and I don't know about you, but I'm an embarrassingly bad dancer. Make a nice dinner the centerpiece. If you need something more than that, find a comedy show because women like to laugh. I'm not very good-looking, so I have to make sure a woman is laughing at all times.

    First dates are mostly about getting to know someone - making your date feel at ease and comfortable with the idea of a second date. My go-to follow-up date was awesome though. I knew of a place on the lake with an island and a big, open field out in the middle of nowhere. I'd pack a blanket, a picnic dinner with a nice bottle of wine, a big, sturdy candle, and I'd take girls on a short moonlight canoe trip to have candlelight dinner on the island. Any woman that didn't seal the deal for was dead in her soul.
    4. Do you let a date know right off the bat that you are deviant?

    Yup. Somewhere in the conversation, I always slip in, "It's important for you to remember this: I am evil." They always think it's a joke. But some time down the road, when I make a mean joke about the mentally handicapped or suggest that it would be nice to **** her sister, and she gets shocked, I can say "What are you complaining about? I told you right from the beginning that I am evil. You were completely warned about what you were getting into."
    5. What do you wear on first dates that get their motors warming up?

    Anything but a green shirt.
    6. Is Patrick Maitland (Coupling, UK series) your hero, and do you have a closet of videos from your "dates?"

    Never seen it. Dan Fielding (Night Court) is my hero.
  • Brian D.Brian D. Senior Member Posts: 4,011 Senior Member
    jbilly wrote: »
    If your mom was on the menu at McDonalds would she be

    A) A Big Mac...covered in special sauce
    B) A chicken nugget....full of multiple kinds of mystery meats
    C) Part of the Dollar Menu

    Oh god. Now all I can think about is being college-aged again, coming home, and finding Ronald McDonald's clown car in the driveway.
  • Brian D.Brian D. Senior Member Posts: 4,011 Senior Member
    FishTX wrote: »
    What is the obsession with the McRib all about?

    It's the most delicious item of fast food ever invented. It is the apotheosis of what fast food ought to be about: savory and yummy, triggering all the worst instincts of our tastebuds, full of unidentifiable ingredients that are undoubtedly very bad for our health, messy, and quick. It is gluttony in packaged, sauce-slathered form. And I am all about gluttony.
  • Alright. sorta serious.

    where is your undergrad degree from?
    You from Tennessee originally?
    why law school?
    ever fished out west?
    If you had a choice between prosecuting a homicide or defending one, which would it be?
  • Brian D.Brian D. Senior Member Posts: 4,011 Senior Member
    George K wrote: »
    Why the love of large silicone inserts?

    You clearly do not know me! I like natural titties all the way. I'd rather see small natural ones than big silicone ones (not to leave out big natural ones - I like those a lot too). I don't know why women pay for breast enlargements and mess up perfectly perky, natural titties. Now granted, titties are still titties, so I'm not going to turn the fake ones down. But it's not my preference.
  • Brian D.Brian D. Senior Member Posts: 4,011 Senior Member
    sherb wrote: »
    Anyone think BD is going to weigh in?

    Are you kidding? I am a natural attention ****. Your worry ought to be that I'll never pass it off to someone else.
    He is toying with our emotions right now.

    Ask me about toying with your mom last night.
  • ricinusricinus Senior Member Posts: 6,214 Senior Member
    Best poledancer LiLo or Paris?

    Who will be the **** for 2014?

    Who has the nicest naughty bits?

    Busy tailwater for fewer but bigger trout or quiet mountain stream with tiddlers rising to dries..

    Which animal would you most like to punch in the face?

    Have you ever been bitten by a snake?

    Mike
    My new goal in life is to become an Alter Kaker...
  • Brian D.Brian D. Senior Member Posts: 4,011 Senior Member
    sherb wrote: »
    Alright. sorta serious.

    where is your undergrad degree from?

    Cumberland University. Small private school. They gave me a music scholarship to play in the jazz band.

    I have an Associate's Degree (in Natural Resource Management) from a community college too - I paid my own way through college, and getting an AS degree at a community college was a very cheap way to knock out all the general credits on a budget.
    You from Tennessee originally?

    Nope, but I've lived here for a long time. Born in New Jersey, moved to Mississippi as a small child, where I attended a strict Catholic school until 6th grade. Then we moved to Chattanooga, and ultimately to the suburbs of Nashville around '86.
    why law school?

    When I originally went to college, I majored in Wildlife Management, with a long-term plan to be a fisheries biologist. But crossing horns with organic chemistry made me doubt whether this was a good idea. On top of that, I was realizing two things: (1) fisheries guys around where I lived made kinda lousy money and seemed to wind up helping the wildlife resources guys with a lot of very hard work like building stuff and clearing trails in wildlife management areas; and (2) I liked living around the Nashville area, and the scarcity of jobs meant I'd have to move to where a job was if I wanted to make a living. That didn't sound appealing.

    About that time I was making great grades in my English classes. Finally, a professor who was grading one of my final exams in some literature class wrote me a long note at the bottom of the page about how I should think about being an English Lit professor one day. So I changed my major to English while I figured things out. Made straight A+ grades after that, incidentally.

    After graduating, there were two career tracks with an English degree - journalism or law school. I was reading all of PJ O'Rourke's stuff at the time, and the idea of writing quirky on-location long-form essays seemed awesome. I got a job with a local newspaper, but my mom worked for Legal Aid, and she was always coming home with cool stories about wild things that happened in the courtroom or wacky **** the clients had gotten into. So I took the LSAT (which is a story unto itself) and applied for law school. The day I got accepted at UT, I also got an offer for a writing job at Music City News magazine, which would have been a stepping stone up. I decided law school was the better track.
    ever fished out west?

    We have friends in Dillon, Colorado, and I go out there every few years and fish the Silverthorne area, mostly on the Blue River and the Colorado. There are some monstrous rainbows that eat mysis shrimp on the upper Blue, but they are tough to hook and tougher to land.
    If you had a choice between prosecuting a homicide or defending one, which would it be?

    Well, I've defended a couple on appeal, though that's a different animal from the trial. Interesting work though. Honestly, I have no real allegiance, and I could happily argue either side. Are we talking about defending a client who can pay, or is this a scuzzy court appointment rate? :) Seems like in a lot of cases - maybe most - the prosecutor has the easier job. I'd prefer to do the appellate work and motion practice than the trial work regardless of which side I'm on. I am much happier arguing law than I am arguing facts.
  • I wouldn't mind trying out the defense side myself on a case or two. The only problem is the stakes are high and its a lot of stress. I think it would make me a better lawyer to see where the holes were in a case.
  • Brian D.Brian D. Senior Member Posts: 4,011 Senior Member
    ricinus wrote: »
    Best poledancer LiLo or Paris?

    Tough question. Despite dedicated Google searching, I cannot find a video of Paris Hilton pole dancing to evaluate. Lindsay's got a better build - Paris is too skinny and I like curvy girls. But Paris has a natural sluttiness about her that gives her a big advantage. Lindsay is more like a drunken, entitled brat, while Paris emits the vibe of a true harlot.
    Who will be the **** for 2014?

    Your mom, obviously.

    Who has the nicest naughty bits?

    Me. My naughty bits are amazing. When I unzip my pants, it takes longer to roll out than Obamacare.
    Busy tailwater for fewer but bigger trout or quiet mountain stream with tiddlers rising to dries..

    I go through phases. Right now, I am much more interested in fishing the high-mountain streams for wild brookies. They're small, but they're beautiful fish, and it's about the experience of getting to them rather than the size. But when conditions are ideal, chasing big tailwater browns with streamers is also a lot of fun.
    Which animal would you most like to punch in the face?

    One time, when I was a little kid maybe 5 years old, I was at the zoo, and I found a peacock feather. It was beautiful. I was so proud of it. I carried it around all day and showed it to everybody like it was the Fatima Letter. But then, at the very end of the day, right before we left, we stopped at a monkey exhibit. There was this big cage that was kind of like a giant bird cage, and there were a bunch of spider monkeys inside. I got too close to the cage, and one of the monkeys reached through the bars lightning-fast and snatched that feather right out of my hand. Then he ran off to the very tip top of the cage with all the other monkeys following him like he had just obtained the magic artifact that would crown him King of the Monkeys. I was devastated. I cried and cried, but there was no getting that feather back. I have always kind of hated monkeys after that. So if I could punch one animal in the face, it would have to be that f'king monkey.
    Have you ever been bitten by a snake?

    Oh yes, more times than I can count. I'm one of those people who can't leave nature well enough alone without poking at critters and catching them for a closer look. I've never been bitten by anything venomous though.
  • NZ IndicatorNZ Indicator Senior Member Posts: 10,239 Senior Member
    Brian D. wrote: »
    Other than that, I'm actually terrible with pickup lines. I really, really hate hanging out in bars and clubs, actually. My single greatest weakness is initiating a conversation with a stranger that will go somewhere productive. I'm awful at it, and generally I'm too shy and afraid I'll come off as creepy. That's why, if you're single and intend to meet women at clubs, it's important to find a good wingman who has the talent for starting things off with a group of strangers so you can pick up from there. These guys are rare, but if you find one, they are worth their weight in gold.

    I concur. I just had some flashbacks reading this.
  • FishTXFishTX Super Moderator Posts: 8,077 Senior Member
    Brian D. wrote: »
    So if I could punch one animal in the face, it would have to be that f'king monkey.
    Where is Kevin when we need him?

    I you were able to change careers at this age and had a chance for success at whatever you chose, what would it be?
    "We have to find someone who can not only fly this plane, but who didn't have fish for dinner."

    Crooow:This music would work better with women in bikinis shaking all over the place. I guess that's true of any music really.
  • creekguycreekguy Senior Member Posts: 3,918 Senior Member
    "One time, when I was a little kid maybe 5 years old, I was at the zoo, and I found a peacock feather. It was beautiful. I was so proud of it. I carried it around all day and showed it to everybody like it was the Fatima Letter. But then, at the very end of the day, right before we left, we stopped at a monkey exhibit. There was this big cage that was kind of like a giant bird cage, and there were a bunch of spider monkeys inside. I got too close to the cage, and one of the monkeys reached through the bars lightning-fast and snatched that feather right out of my hand. Then he ran off to the very tip top of the cage with all the other monkeys following him like he had just obtained the magic artifact that would crown him King of the Monkeys. I was devastated. I cried and cried, but there was no getting that feather back. I have always kind of hated monkeys after that. So if I could punch one animal in the face, it would have to be that f'king monkey."

    I can't stop crying! Even Hannibal Lecter would tear up over that!

    Seriously, you could still make it as a writer.
  • Brian D.Brian D. Senior Member Posts: 4,011 Senior Member
    sherb wrote: »
    I wouldn't mind trying out the defense side myself on a case or two. The only problem is the stakes are high and its a lot of stress. I think it would make me a better lawyer to see where the holes were in a case.

    Well mostly I'm doing civil injury cases, but I wouldn't mind defending one of those every once in a while. I'm certainly not one of those kool-aid drinkers who thinks the side I'm on is wearing the white hat and what I'm doing is some kind of moral crusade. Those people irritate me. Seeing the plaintiff's side of so many cases makes me very conscious about what defense attorney tactics work best against me, and what things they ought to ask about and seemingly never do.
  • Brian D.Brian D. Senior Member Posts: 4,011 Senior Member
    FishTX wrote: »
    I you were able to change careers at this age and had a chance for success at whatever you chose, what would it be?

    Professional fly fishing guide in Belize. I'm no dummy.
  • Brian D.Brian D. Senior Member Posts: 4,011 Senior Member
    joekrz wrote: »
    I concur. I just had some flashbacks reading this.

    I know, right? Back when I was younger, the tough part was that I rarely seemed to have a wingman when I needed one most. Very sad. One of the attorneys I work with now would be the best wingman in history if I were single. He could start a conversation with a parking meter, and it's like he has no social inhibitions. We'll be at a bar or restaurant after work, and he'll just walk up to a table of people and start talking. And he's from up north, so he has a few mannerisms that are kind of unusual here in the South, so when he breaks the ice with a group of people, there's always that opportunity to make some mildly amusing aside to whoever I'd want to talk to, like "Don't mind him, he's from Detroit" and take it from there.
  • NZ IndicatorNZ Indicator Senior Member Posts: 10,239 Senior Member
    Brian D. wrote: »
    I know, right? Back when I was younger, the tough part was that I rarely seemed to have a wingman when I needed one most. Very sad. One of the attorneys I work with now would be the best wingman in history if I were single. He could start a conversation with a parking meter, and it's like he has no social inhibitions. We'll be at a bar or restaurant after work, and he'll just walk up to a table of people and start talking. And he's from up north, so he has a few mannerisms that are kind of unusual here in the South, so when he breaks the ice with a group of people, there's always that opportunity to make some mildly amusing aside to whoever I'd want to talk to, like "Don't mind him, he's from Detroit" and take it from there.

    Yup. Sounds just like my past wingman. I ended up marrying and settling down before him. I honestly thought he was never going to get married. At 33 years old he finally found a girl and started getting serious and then made the announcement he was getting married. I asked him what happened? His reply was..."I ran myself out of 18 year olds. I figure if I can't pick up 18 years olds anymore then it's time to settle down". He ended up marrying a girl 4 years younger than him and is now busy raising 2 kids at home.
  • jbillyjbilly Senior Member Posts: 5,334 Senior Member
    Brian,
    I am glad you made it back here...you were missed during your absence. I appreciate how you can dish it out...but take it (you must have inherited this quality from your Mom).

    Quite sometime ago you had a story about watching someone's kids (can't recall if they were family, or a friends or what) that were sick the you guys got it...anyway it was highly entertaining for us...so what happened to these people? Still friends? Still family? Watched their kids lately?
  • ricinusricinus Senior Member Posts: 6,214 Senior Member
    Have you read any John Grisham novels?

    Who is your favorite author?

    What is your favorite novel?

    Will you buy your kids a pony?

    Would you take Hextall fishing?

    When you played in the band, were the stages surrounded with chicken wire?


    Mike
    My new goal in life is to become an Alter Kaker...
  • Shawn C.Shawn C. Senior Member Posts: 7,027 Senior Member
    I don't believe you are a big sports fan. Is that true? If so, were you ever into sports at all either as a participant or fan?
    Have you ever been in a bar scuffle?
    Favorite movie or movies?
    Given the chance, would you rather punch that monkey or Hextall?
    Do you redneck fish* as well as fly-fish?

    *Defined as any type of angling other than fly-fishing.

Leave a Comment

BoldItalicStrikethroughOrdered listUnordered list
Emoji
Image
Align leftAlign centerAlign rightToggle HTML viewToggle full pageToggle lights
Drop image/file
Magazine Cover

GET THE MAGAZINE Subscribe & Save

Temporary Price Reduction.

SUBSCRIBE NOW

Give a Gift   |   Subscriber Services

PREVIEW THIS MONTH'S ISSUE

GET THE NEWSLETTER Join the List and Never Miss a Thing.

Get the top Fly Fisherman stories delivered right to your inbox.